June 15, 2011
Dear Sprinkled Doughnuts for Dinner
Dear Sprinkled Doughnuts for Dinner,
First of all, I am an adult (I have a college degree to prove it). Full grown adults do not eat doughnuts for dinner. In no way, shape, or form are you an acceptable dinner selection. I don't care if you were forgotten in the car this morning, and intended for breakfast...that only further proves my point, you are not wanted.
Second of all, let's talk about why you even came home with me. I know you were hanging out in the bakery with all your friends mocking me like you do every.single.time I come to the grocery store. There is nothing I need in the bakery. Yet I can hear you screaming my name every time. Must you tempt me with your holiday inspired sprinkles? (thank you for reminding me it was Flag Day BTW) It's bad enough that you are a doughnut, but do you have to go practically throwing your icing-ed, sprinkled self at me??
Now, let's discuss how you became my dinner. Even if you are on a fancy Pottery Barn place mat, alongside a knife, regular fork, AND salad fork (it doesn't count if don't actually eat a salad), it is not okay for an adult (see above) to eat you for dinner.
The wine was a nice touch, but doesn't make this scenario any better...in fact, I'm pretty sure it makes it worse.
I do appreciate the fact that you made me want to throw up a little bit after eating you. If all goes well, this won't happen again.
Note to Self: Under no uncertain terms are you to go to the grocery store after spin class ever again. Do I make myself clear?
PS (note to self): I still love you even if you don't always make the best choices for dinner, and I am very proud of the restraint you exhibited in eating only 1 (and a half) sprinkled doughnuts for dinner. You could have been a total pig, and eaten two (and possibly thrown up for real). Way to go!
PPS You might find some more nutritious things to eat here: