Dear McDonalds,



Dear Mc Donalds,

Are you brainwashing me?

I'm generally not super paranoid, but I'm just wondering about this because sometimes, when I'm not even hungry, I have the urge to stop by and order a cheeseburger.  I don't even eat meat anymore for God's sake.  I might be willing to let this slide, because at one point in my life, I really did love your cheesburgers.  However, sometimes I even stop by and order things I didn't even know you had (Rolo McFurry???).

I have no concrete proof of said brainwashing, but if I find out you have, I am for sure going to sue you...and I am going to win, just like the hot coffee lady.

I've given you fair warning.  I do not want to see myself stopping by ever again.

Yours truly, Shelly

On procrastination

This is a pretty good representation of what my dad looks like, only he usually has blue eyes

I happen to be a master on the subject of procrastination, and at this point, I probably have a PhD on the topic.  My father can probably best attest to this. 

Want to see a grown man lose his mind??  Tell him you have a Science Fair Project* due...tomorrow.  Oh yeah, add that you haven't quite decided what your project is exactly...that will take him down every.single.time.  Total the car (twice), not so much as a wince, procrastinate on an important school project (twice) (ok, a lot more than twice), you might not see the light of day for a while.

Why am I writing about procrastination?  Because I don't have my outfit post for you...yet.  Don't tell my dad though, I'll get it done soon, very soon.

*On a related note and one of my proudest (???) moments was being selected to take my (completely fabricated) science fair project to a regional competition in high school.  It was a little uncomfortable when the judges came around to discuss the project and I had no idea what to say. 
I outsmarted them though, I spent most of the day in the bathroom (probably painting my nails).

Not sure if this makes me super awesome or super lame.

PS  I didn't win any special accolades or prizes.

PPS  I was also the Senior Class President...ask me about all the awesome class reunions I have planned.  I'm working on it guys, working on it.
PPPS  This would have been so much more awesome if I had posted this last week, like on Father's Day.

Dear Awkward, Over-Achieving Self,

 {I do not have a real person picture of this...you will thank me for it once you read further}

Dear Awkward, Over-Achieving Self,

Sometimes you are a little scatter-brained.  Why did you go upstairs yesterday to change for the gym, take all your clothes off, and get in the shower?  Don't most people shower after the gym?  I understand you are an over-achiever, but you really aren't "achieving" anything doing things out of order.

In the future please try and stay on task.  You are not ADD even though you might have tried to convince yourself (and your parents...possibly one naive teacher) of this.

Love, Shelly

PS.  I still love you, but even I was a little freaked out by this.

Dear Sprinkled Doughnuts for Dinner

June 14, 2011

Dear Sprinkled Doughnuts for Dinner,

First of all, I am an adult (I have a college degree to prove it).  Full grown adults do not eat doughnuts for dinner.  In no way, shape, or form are you an acceptable dinner selection.  I don't care if you were forgotten in the car this morning, and intended for breakfast...that only further proves my point, you are not wanted.

Second of all, let's talk about why you even came home with me.  I know you were hanging out in the bakery with all your friends mocking me like you do every.single.time I come to the grocery store.  There is nothing I need in the bakery.  Yet I can hear you screaming my name every time.  Must you tempt me with your holiday inspired sprinkles?  (thank you for reminding me it was Flag Day BTW)  It's bad enough that you are a doughnut, but do you have to go practically throwing your icing-ed, sprinkled self at me??

Now, let's discuss how you became my dinner.  Even if you are on a fancy Pottery Barn place mat, alongside a knife, regular fork, AND salad fork (it doesn't count if don't actually eat a salad), it is not okay for an adult (see above) to eat you for dinner. 

The wine was a nice touch, but doesn't make this scenario any better...in fact, I'm pretty sure it makes it worse.

I do appreciate the fact that you made me want to throw up a little bit after eating you.  If all goes well, this won't happen again.

Love, Shelly

Note to Self:  Under no uncertain terms are you to go to the grocery store after spin class ever again.  Do I make myself clear?

PS (note to self):  I still love you even if you don't always make the best choices for dinner, and I am very proud of the restraint you exhibited in eating only 1 (and a half) sprinkled doughnuts for dinner.  You could have been a total pig, and eaten two (and possibly thrown up for real).  Way to go!

PPS  You might find some more nutritious things to eat here:

An open letter to Shop Ruche and Kendi Everyday

Do you like this skirt?

So do I.

But guess what, we CAN'T have it.

(I'm pretty sad about it too.)

When I saw Kendi wearing it the other day on Kendi Everyday, I immediately clicked right over to Shop Ruche to get one for myself, but it was SOLD OUT. 

Super, double, make that triple squared :(

So anyway, after I dried my tears (literally), I decided to shop around while I was there, and quickly fell in love with these:

and guess what? 

They were SOLD OUT too.

Even though they were probably going to be a little too short for me,  I had already envisioned a super inspiring post about how I made them work despite their length, and other long-legged girls around the world were going to be singing my praises and most likely were going to send me a lot of money to buy more clothes. 

That's probably not going to happen now.

Then I noticed a "Back In Stock Tab", so quickly I clicked it because, in my fragile emotional state, I could no longer chance facing another lovely, world saving, OUT OF STOCK item, and I found this:

almost as cute at the skirt, right?

Happiness returns...until I click on the sizes

OUT OF STOCK (in my size)!!

Seriously??

And to top it all off (and I don't even know why I bothered), located just below the dress, I kind of fell in love with these:

At this point, you probably know what I'm going to tell you...

OUT OF STOCK (in my size)...

Yup, then I killed myself. 

Thanks Shop Ruche.

 I had some serious potential to A) Be Super Awesome, and/or B)  Save the world by creating outfits with pants that are too short for me. 

Now for you Kendi.

I may or may not stalk your blog, and I may, or may not, copy some a lot of your outfits. 

You are causing me to spend a lot of money on clothes I probably would not have even picked up if you didn't look so adorable in them.  You'll be hearing from my accountant.

Additionally, you are hilarious, and I just might have peed my pants a little reading this post.

But to top it all off, you have such a following that I am holding you personally responsible for my complaints above.  Maybe it was only the skirt you were responsible for, but I would have never even tried to buy any of the other items had you not directed me to buy your ikat skirt.

IN CONCLUSION

Now that you, Shop Ruche, and you, Kendi have been properly shamed, I am going to offer you a way to redeem yourselves.

Shop Ruche:  Please get the ikat skirt back IN STOCK, oh and in my size.

(I signed up for for an email alert, so there is no need to personally send me an email when this happens)

Kendi Everyday:  Please send me copy of your upcoming outfit posts, PRE-POSTING, so that I have the option of snagging the items of my choice before they SELL OUT.  Otherwise I am going to have to upgrade my stalking from blog stalking to stalking you in real life, and that would just be awkward for everyone involved. 

PS. I already grew my hair out to be more like you.  Just kidding, I just discovered your blog a few weeks ago...my hair doesn't grow that fast.

PPS.  Thanks for the daily inspiration and laughs.